Don't believe your eyes...

I was chatting away with Jodie this evening and my MOST embarrassing moment came to mind.

For some odd reason, I felt the need to blog it instead of just sharing it with her. 'Cause who doesn't need a laugh - right?

And if you can't laugh at yourself.......

So - here goes!

Back what seems like 2 "life times" ago, when I was married, I was working as a waitress at a "theme" restaurant - so to speak. You know the one, orange shorts, white tank tops, known for it's "nearly world famous chicken wings"?

It was a BEAUTIFUL day in the end of May. First day it was going to hit 90F. (You might remember from this year's post that the first time it hits 90F in the spring my allergies go CRAZY! Back then it wasn't just migraines and bloat - then it was a SEVERE asthma attack) I was battling my asthma all day! My "puffer" never left my side". I should've just stayed home - but to "call in" on one of the busiest nights - on the first really nice day - well.....that would just look bad. And that's not my style. So I figure once I get inside in the a/c all will be better.

But there are a LOT of windows in this restaurant. And the a/c was broke - go figure. AND folks could still smoke indoors - they can't now - not here at least. So between the windows and the sun creating a "greenhouse", no a/c, a stale smokey enviornment, smoke and smells from the fryers and the grill, my day leading up to my shift......

I was fading fast.

I wasn't at work 15min. when I was in the ladies room sucking on my puffer. Washing the back of my neck with cool water, hands over head to open my airways.......nothing was working. They called an ambulance.

Now remember I was waiting tables, at a place that is themed around, so even if you've "got 'em" you can always have bigger. And the bigger the better $$$$.

So I'm in the back hallway - the one that leads to outside where the deliveries are made, trash is taken througth, etc. Concerned friends all about. Someone suggests that I untie my tank top - they were tied in the back to help emphasize the "size" of.

So I do. Then they suggest that I unhook my bra. A light goes on in my head. I'm on the floor, in the hallway, gasping for air, every second seems like an hour. Just waiting for the EMT to arrive and "save" me. My "cookies" - can't be taking these to the hospital!

Cookies are not what you might be thinking. "Cookies" are those silicone pads that are half moon shaped that go under the real boobie in your bra - to make you look even bigger. My "cookies" were impressive - they weighed about 1lb a piece - 2 full cup sizes. But no one knew I wore them - it was a well kept secret - until that moment.

I unhooked my bra, "caught" my cookies as they dropped in to my lap - turned to may favorite manager - who happened to be a male who was about 5 years older than me, and wheezed "can you put these in my coat?" And handed over my warm, slightly sticky "cookies". Just as the EMT came around the corner.

And of course the EMT was one of my best tipping regulars - and he just witnessed the "passing" of the boobs.

To be continued......